When we realised that we had truly invested all in the well being of someone that holds the largest fraction of our hearts is the moment of lucidity instigated by the sudden loss of the one that we made our everything.

Our world fell apart without warning in their absence, the dams retaining our rationality collapsed into a tsunami of emotions while we brace for the implosion of grief, regret, denial and unworldly pains incomprehensible by anyone else. We will give our everything to have our person back, yet as cruel fate often will not permit us to join their departure. When our compatible piece of puzzle leaves us permanently, leaving for the unknown or moving on without you to new attachments, we will do everything to seek closure, through means of understanding or through the fiery hell of vengeance. We would try to save our world from collapse. And, sometimes, saving the world is saving one person, especially if that person is our entire world.

However, this downward spiral of desperation, desperate to seek conclusion often leads towards a dark path of hatred directed towards the cause of grief and our desire to reflect pain back on the source of ours. We have poured everything, more than a part of ourselves, on someone truly deserving our entirety, and the loss of them is the loss of ourselves in the darkness of isolation. Grief is when lost in the darkness, we look for the dimming light. As a moth. Lost in a sea of self, the desire for the familiar warmth will bring us ever closer to the light of a burning candle, destroying us in the flames of what once have been ours.

Yet, this cycle should be accepted as many has gone through it themself, there is no shame in grief, no shame in seeking cause, and no shame to finally terminate the pain by terminating the root. And when guilt and grief burn and engulf us until we never recover to fight for something new, it is ok to silence them with one last pain, a gamble to finally join them.